Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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