I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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