Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
