So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
birth control should be required to get into college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
