She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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