just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
