Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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