I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
