She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
