I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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