i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
