"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
