Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
