Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
