ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
