chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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