In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
