if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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