Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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