her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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