i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
