and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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