'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
