3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
