I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
