We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
