So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
