Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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