How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
