i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
