WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
