thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
