what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize