he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
