they need to just BURY HIM!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
