As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
