By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
