I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
