I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
