just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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