Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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