i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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