dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
