I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
