We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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