my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
