What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
