he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
