omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
