Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
