Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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