My Higher Power is John Stamos
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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