one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My feet surprised me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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