So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
