i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
