i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize