JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
