i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
