I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
