Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
