no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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