oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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