So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
