You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
