I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
