Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I could make wine with my vomit
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
