So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
