I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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