TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
