I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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