Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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