Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
