its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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