he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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