Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
