You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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